Birthdays for Renee

Birthdays are sublime. Even if it's your birthday that reminds you that you are aging. No, today is not my birthday, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about birthdays. Today, my dear friend Renee is celebrating her birthday. She is one special lady! So, I just want to take the time to honor her. Because, if anyone in my world is deserving of honor, it is her.

Renee and I have been friends for years. Long enough, in fact, that I'm not really sure how long we've been friends! I treasure her friendship! She is a hard working, open hearted woman!

Renee has earned her honorary title the hardest way possible. She has been through more, and experienced more in her lifetime that the majority of us have. Renee grew up in Walnut Grove with her family, including two brothers. She was the only girl, but was able to keep up and run circles around those boys! She has no fear whatsoever! She's been married, and divorced, and has been a single mother to the two most wonderful children ever!

Life handed her a full plate, however. While married to her first husband, she gave birth to her first child, a wonderful, vibrant little lady, named Casey. Beautiful golden hair and blue eyes that sparkled. Soon after, she became pregnant with her next child, this time a boy, named Caylen. Her life completely changed with these two! While still pregnant with Caylen, little Casey was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. A lethal combination of genetics between her and her husband would most likely always end with a CF child. Treatment began for Casey right away, and the doctors began to prepare for Caylen's arrival so that he could be treated as well. When Caylen was born, he was also diagnosed with CF.

Having a child with a terminal illness wears on a family, having two children like this wears the family down even more. This was no exception, the marriage ended and Renee was forced to be a single mom. She worked many hours to provide for their care. Looming doctor and hospital bills were standard, as were many prescriptions and treatments. Renee made sure that the kids had everything they needed. She ran constantly to get them to school, girl scouts and boy scouts, music lessons, sporting events and church. They were so loved by everyone! Each summer, just before school would start for Casey and Caylen, they would be admitted into the hospital for a "tune up". IV antibiotics were administered to get them pumped up for all the "bugs" they would encounter as soon as they entered the school building and all the other kids around. Renee would stay around the clock with the kids and make sure they were getting all the care they needed. On a side note, I must say that Renee's employer of many, many years, Dr.Snow, was a gift from God. I can't think of too many employers out there that would make sure this mom's job was secure when she had to miss endless hours of work to care for her babies. But he did, and I commend him for that!

Time and the disease took it's toll on Casey and Caylen. CF is a disease with no cure. There are measures that will prolong the life of a CF person, but as of yet, there is still no cure. I think Casey was about eleven years old or so when the Make a Wish foundation came in to grant her a wish. She wished to go to Disney World. Casey got her wish. I learned some things about the Make a Wish foundation. They don't just make a wish, they make dreams come true. Their little family of four (Renee was now remarried to her soulmate Charles), went to Disney World and stayed at a special resort that is only for Make a Wish recipients. They took care of absolutely everything! The trip was completely paid for, from the airfare and resort and tickets to the parks, to the food and souveniers and photos. But it didn't even stop there, the photos were developed and put into an album for them when they got home! They had such a wonderful time on their trip! A few years later, it was Caylen's turn for a wish. He requested a computer. He loved to play games with his friends on the computer. He recieved a top of the line computer, a new desk, chair, games and more! Again, they were being blessed!

Renee continued taking care of the kids and doting over all their wants and needs. Their Christmas tradition of sleeping under the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve was very dear to all of them! Renee would do whatever was necessary to make sure Christmas was special for the kids. I remember one Christmas when Casey was ill. I think she must have been about twelve years old. She was in the hospital just before Christmas. We thought that she would be out in time to spend Christmas at home, but it just didn't happen that way. She would have to spend Christmas in the hospital, in room 722, Casey's usual room. I couldn't hardly stand the thought of her not getting to do what she always looked forward to, so I went shopping. We bought a mini Christmas tree with decorations, gifts of arts and crafts supplies that Casey loved. A couple of gifts for Caylen and Renee too. Don't forget the stockings and candy too! We delivered the "Christmas on the go" to them at the hospital so that they could carry on their traditions. The whole family got to spend the night together and have Christmas there. The tree was too small to sleep under, but they had one nevertheless. I think about this every Christmas. God took what could have been a sad holiday and made it wonderful for them!

A few years passed and Casey's health was declining quicker than before. In order to prolong her life, she would need a lung transplant. She was put on the donor list. It was more difficult to find a donor for her. She had O+ blood. A potential donor must have not only a blood type match, but could never have smoked or worked in the healthcare field. That left very few matches. Casey and Renee went to the Barnes Children's Hospital in St. Louis to await new lungs for her. An extended stay at the Ronald McDonald House while they waited. They were there for several months. Again, Renee's employer supported her through this. For a time, Casey would stay with Renee at the Ronald McDonald house and go to the hospital as needed for antibiotics and treatments. Eventually she had to stay at the hospital. Friends and family would visit and send gifts of phone cards, gift cards, books and such to help them pass the time. April 5, 2000 was Casey's 15th birthday. It was a Wednesday, but I tried to get a group of friends and family to go up and see her and celebrate her birthday. As it worked out, I was the only one that went (her grandparents came up separately that day). I had collected what I called "birthday party in a bag" to take with me. Streamers, balloons, decorations, gifts and Silly String! I arrived really early that morning and barged into her hospital room singing happy birthday to her!! We decorated the room, sprayed nurses with Silly String and had a wonderful morning. Casey wanted a bicycle for her birthday. So, when Casey's grandparents arrived, Renee and I went to Toys R Us to get a bicycle for her. Before leaving we asked Casey what she wanted for her birthday dinner. Casey asked for roast beef, potatoes and carrots. That was no small order! Renee called around to many restaurants looking for a place with this on their menu. She finally found it at Bob Evans and we ordered some for carry out. When we got back to the hospital Casey opened her gifts and ate a couple of bites of her birthday meal. She was getting weaker and not wanting to go on oxygen. I had one more special surprise for Casey. You see, Casey loved children, and she used to babysit my children from time to time, and go on camping trips with us. She was a joy to have around! Well, to her surprise, I had found out that I was pregnant again! So I told Casey that I was expecting another baby later that year. She looked at me with those serious blue eyes and said, "Are you going to name your baby after me?" I was pretty much speechless. However, seven months later, I gave birth to my son, Casey. I spent the night with her at the hospital so Renee could go back and shower and get some sleep. I hated going home the next day, but had plans over the weekend that I needed to tend to.

Five days later, April 10, 2000, Casey passed away in her momma's arms. To rub salt in the wound of an already sad situation, it was Renee's birthday. The day we are celebrating today. Now I look at it as Renee's birthday on earth and Casey's birth day in Heaven. We miss her terribly, and it's always a bittersweet day. This girl won my heart as if she were my old child. We still grieve over her, but can't wait to see her in Heaven!

Renee's son Caylen would follow down this same road. He was older before it affected him as much. And he did get a transplant of his lungs at Christmas time in 2008. Caylen was doing much better after his transplant. He gained weight and was healthier and more active than ever. But, about a year and a half after getting his new lungs, his body began to reject them. Renee had cared for Caylen the same as she had Casey. She rarely left his side. Caylen was older though, and he was an adult and made all his own decisions. His hardest decision was the one to go home with Jesus. He did not want to prolong his life anymore. He had fought his fight and was ready to join his sister and others in heaven.

I spent the last few days with Renee and Caylen as I had with Casey. Instead of celebrating a birthday with him, we just celebrated his life. He was such a laid back young man. He had a silent demeanor but the biggest heart. There were several friends around him during his last week at the hospital. He told his mom that he had always wanted a tattoo. She asked him what he wanted, well, his first was a picture that he had drawn, but the picture wasn't available that day. So, we had to come up with a plan B. He said, "Hakuna Matata" . This phrase came from the Disney movie, Lion King, which means, "No worries, for the rest of your days". We laughed and sang the song at his bedside. Another close friend, Kim, was there and we decided that if we had some sharpie markers we could make one for him! The nurses got busy and found us some colorful sharpie markers and we went to work on a "tatoo" on his back. It was large, and went all the way across his bony back. In very bright colors and embellished lettering we tattooed "Hakuna Matata" on him. He loved it. I loved contributing to his desires. Caylen started slipping into a wakeless sleep, and we knew it would not be long for him. We had all said our goodbyes and didn't want to leave Renee. However, we had to leave on Sunday afternoon because we had church camp beginning the next day, and I was the director! So we tearfully left, knowing that he was in good hands with his momma. Caylen passed away on Tuesday, July 13, 2010. In his memory we placed his drum sticks into the mosaic being created that year for church camp. After engraving his name and dates into the wood we placed it lovingly into the mosaic.

For most people losing their children is hard, Renee had peace and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ that brought her through it. She endured other hardships as well, losing her mother to cancer, and the sudden deaths of both of her brothers. I admire Renee's strength. She is the perfect picture of grace under pressure and has a love for others that is unequaled. I am honored to be Renee's friend and I am pleased to be able to honor her on her birthday.